downloads from camping by the river
inside my notes & a playlist titled "doorway to source"
Before You Read
3 min read
Click here to listen to a playlist I curated that complements my words and experiences from camping two weeks ago.
Suggestions for when to listen:
When you want to reflect on our smallness in the vast universe and the extraordinary beauty of our existence.
When you find yourself caught in survival mode and need to reconnect with your intuition.
When you want to revel in the simplicity of just being and remember that you are worthy of this life without needing to do anything.
Aug 31, 2024, around 11:00 pm
I just had such a beautiful moment right now while at Kern River. The group was playing the tortilla game. A TikTok trend I just learned. And a mindless game that interestingly enough made my heart feel full. I laughed so hard that my belly still aches and that happened 30 min ago. My cheeks hurt too from smiling so big. And I am unlocking a new way of seeing how pain and joy are connected.
After the adrenaline rush and overstimulation of all the activity, I had to take a break so I went to my car to set up my bed for the night and laid down for a bit. And I kept getting swept away by the stars in the sky. Wow. Stars are craaaaazy.
So while in the backseat, I propped my door open and sat my back up against the driver seat and looked up at the stars and started reflecting on this life. What a fucking miracle it is to be here, to experience being. The profundity of that word alone—being. For minutes, I connected to what it actually feels like to just be. To not analyze and make meaning of whatever was happening in my life—and I felt God enter in.
In the background, I could hear the gang singing nostalgic songs and it brought me joy to hear them and not feel FOMO. I recognized in that moment how much my language and relationship to Self has changed from my 20s to my 30s and I didn’t feel that usual sadness I feel about recognizing how much time has gone by. I recognized how much I and the people in my life have transformed and become who we are today, and I fell in love with simply being able to feel that.
I recognized how I was able to honor myself in that moment I needed to walk away and tend to my body from the overstimulation. To know myself enough to be able to choose me and at the same time feeling deep gratitude for knowing I could return to the magic that was happening a few feet away from me as soon as I was ready and be surrounded by a group of people I adore in a very particular way because of the moments I’ve gotten to experience with them.
For a second, it didn’t feel like time was fleeting. For a second, it felt like time was on my side—that there was abundance in time. And it was probably one of the highest highs I’ve ever experienced, while sober.
When?
When was the last time you took a long drive by yourself and felt like the unknown road was an old friend? When was the last time you put your bare skin up against a rock and took in the smoothness of moss on a rough surface and recognized that nature is poetry? When was the last time you listened to water and allowed it to teach you something? When was the last time you melted into the Earth and became jolted with the sweet remembrance that we are not separate from her, that we are not separate from each other, that we are one?
When, when, when….
P.S. One of the things I love most about writing online is how it often leads to the most unexpected and meaningful conversations. When y’all share your thoughts and reflections in response to my words, it always feels like such a crazy, cool, collaboration—a deep, organic exchange that broadens our perspectives and connects our hearts, which I strongly believe sends out ripples of beautiful, high vibrating energy, out into the world.
It rekindles my love for the Internet and motivates me to use these platforms more intentionally, especially since they can sometimes lead us astray if we’re not mindful. Thank you for your engagement. If you’ve been following me for a while and haven’t yet reached out, I hope you’ll say hello and share your heart with me soon. I truly love hearing from you.
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