#9 Hi My Name Is Lonely, Nice To Meet You
how I got through my cringe, went to a healing event alone, and was inspired to start trusting again.
Two Sundays ago, I sat in a circle with approximately 15 strangers, introduced myself and broke down crying.
While I was listening to a We Can Do Hard Things podcast episode earlier that week, my eyes widened as I learned this:
Loneliness heightens health risks as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
When that hit me as hard it did, I suddenly realized holy shit, I’m fucking lonely.
The visualization of what my body might look like internally if I actually was someone who smoked 15 cigarettes a day propelled me into immediate action.
As an attempt to hurry up and get un-lonely, I bought a ticket to a healing event I saw a flyer for on IG, that I would go to by myself.
To be clear, when I say that I’m lonely, I don’t mean that I’d fallen off the face of the earth and isolated myself from everyone I know. I actually spent time with a handful of loved ones throughout this phase of loneliness. I just felt incredibly disconnected even when I was around others. Like I was hanging by a thread, exhausted from performing even 2%, just to stay composed enough to be welcomed in public settings.
Anyways, I thought of potentially inviting someone to the event, but I felt like it was time to push myself out of my comfort zone again and not risk going to just stay in my little bubble, using whoever I came with as a distraction and an excuse to not show up fully.
The title of the IG flyer read: Storyhouse x Therapart present A Story Do Tell: Spiritually Guided Movement and Art Exploration. It had an artistic photo of two people of color leaning towards one another, chest to chest. The event description was vague, yet intriguing.
I’m usually the type of person who needs all the details before I attend anything. When I used to be social, which was forever-ago, I was that friend who always asked whoever was throwing a party: “Who’s going?” Because yes, I cared. And yes, my decision to go or not highly depended on the names you gave me.
Things are different right now though. Whenever you’re at a point in your life where half the time you feel absolutely numb, and the other half you feel like you may snap at any moment, you become very open to trying something—anything—that could potentially break you out of your sick cycle of toxic habits.
So, I decided to attend this mysterious event knowing little to nothing about the organizers, what type of people would be there, and what the heck we’d even be doing.
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