i can't stop crying

big news! resistance! a reconnection! and an invitation to cry with me

I’ve been crying a lot in the past couple days, and I love it. For the past two months, I've been trying to figure out a way to share a significant event that’s happened in my life, but every time I start to write about it, I hit a wall.

I've realized that whenever I choose to enter something I know could be transformative—whether it be writing, meditating, taking a class, going to an event etc.—I grapple with the anxiety around whether doing so will actually bring me tangible results, or if it will just be a waste of time. I know, I know... focus on the journey, not the destination. Blah, blah, blah. But capitalism has conditioned me to crave instant gratification relentlessly, and sometimes I get tired of doing the work, okay?!

Still, after every tantrum, I push through, because I've witnessed the rewards of moving past the awkward, cringey, and dark stages of healing. I'm reminding myself of the importance of approaching life with curiosity rather than rigid expectation, embracing the messy path over chasing unattainable perfection.

So while a part of me wishes I had a more thought-provoking essay to share, filled with colorful language and well-structured ideas, I'm choosing to find beauty in how what I’ve been wanting to share emerges in this exact moment.

Here’s my big news: I have officially moved out into my own apartment.