i am giving up instagram for nine months

a 2025 manifesto

The voiceover only shares my thoughts on the recent wildfires, while the remainder of the piece is available for reading.

The plan was to publish this on January 9, 2025, but the devastating wildfires in Southern California shifted everything. Like much of Los Angeles, I’ve been struggling lately to focus on even the basics of survival. I’m only now beginning to gather the strength to articulate what I’ve been going through, though it still feels far from capturing the full depth of how heavy my heart has been.

Throughout my life, I’ve navigated many mental health challenges, but I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a darkness as overwhelming and intense as I have in the past two weeks. I was caught in a relentless cycle of panic attacks, frozen and unable to get out of bed most mornings, forcing me to call off work nearly every day. At one point, a loved one massaged a spot on my back, immediately triggering a sharp wave of both physical and emotional pain so deep that I broke into an uncontrollable sob.

Amid the chaos, I found myself facing an unexpected sickness that left me feeling completely vulnerable. While I’ve genuinely enjoyed living alone, being sick and the alarming proximity of the Eaton Canyon fire made me terrified to be on my own. It felt strange and almost needy to ask for help as much as I did, and I was burdened by shame for my helplessness. Who was I to need support when so many others, who had lost their homes, seemed to be facing even greater challenges? Yet, pain is pain; comparing it or diminishing my unique experience achieves nothing, and I remembered how shaming myself for feeling this way serves no one.

I can’t express how much it has meant to receive such loving care from everyone who reached out during this time. Whether you offered your home, sent a voice note, initiated a phone call, or simply made the effort to check in and connect with me, every gesture has made such a significant difference. For those of you who have the capacity, please continue reaching out to your loved ones and sharing your strength, hope, and love—it really matters. If you’re reading this and resonating with the darkness, I hope it confirms that you’re not alone. And if you or someone you know has been directly impacted, I am holding you so close to my heart, praying for your peace and protection.

Please be gentle with yourselves and each other, especially during this time. Lean on your community and let go of any shame around needing support, knowing that those who care for you see it as an honor to stand by you and comfort you through your pain. Echoing some sweet words delivered to me by my friend Kristen last week shortly after her random act of kindness that broke my heart wide open, “A small reminder to take care. That I care. That you deserve care always.”

I wish I had the energy to compile more resources on how we can help and heal from all this, but for now, I have just two links. And I’m choosing to see this as a win because it’s the best I can do right now:

• If you have the means, please consider donating to these GoFundMe pages for families impacted by the fires, as they are currently under 20% of their fundraising goals.

• When words fall short, we turn to music. This beautiful playlist titled “L❤️‍🩹S” serves as a much needed prayer for LA—a call for hope, healing, and renewal, lovingly curated by my dear friend, Janice Suh Hee Kang. I’m in tears as I write this, deeply moved by the intentionality behind each song.

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I am giving up Instagram for nine months beginning today, January 19, 2025.

New Year’s Eve Cacao Ceremony Spread

As I write this on January 3, 2025, I am still. I am in flow. I am channelling. I am.

.・゜✧

For my birthday, I was gifted the Many Moons Lunar Planner by Sarah Faith Gottesdiener, which included a beautiful entry titled: An Archetypal & Energetic Overview of 2025.

Through this excerpt, I discovered that 2025 is a 9 year (2+0+2+5=9)—the number of ripeness and completion. This sparked a deep reflection on endings and what they mean to me, sending me into a portal of inquiry.

For many years, IG has been my favorite outlet for self-expression.

It opened so many doors for me, especially as a baby entrepreneur stepping into coaching in 2021.

IG has been a co-creator in my journey, revealing insights about my identity and capabilities, particularly during my intergenerational healing process.

I have cultivated a healthier relationship with the platform that empowers me rather than allowing it to control me.

My favorite part, by far, has been how IG catalyzed so many Big Friendships.

The last time I took a long-term break from IG (1.5 years to be exact) was in 2016, during a messy, horrendous, life-altering breakup. That season sent me into a deep depression, swimming in shame for years. I left IG as a way to escape myself and the world, and when I returned a year later, I realized my toxic relationship with it hadn’t changed much at all.

Today, I’m approaching this decision with a lot more wisdom.

According to the planner, 2025’s archetype is The Hermit, which is about “devotion, discipline, and the ability to be in the unknown.”

On New Year’s Day, I felt a familiar and brief wave of overwhelm as I tried to map out my goals for the year ahead. But I caught myself and paused. I took a breath and asked for one simple message—something I could reflect on until I felt a somatic confirmation that brought me a sense of completion.

The card I pulled was the Knight of Coins, which carries energy similar to The Hermit.

“The Knight of Coins speaks to the methodical, consistent effort it takes to manifest your visions, even when the process feels dull or rote. There is beauty in the cumulative power of everyday routines. The knight reminds us that even the most mundane tasks can become meaningful and intentional practices.”

For someone like me, who has been resistant to structure my entire life, I was surprised that immediately after pulling this card, I understood that this is where my focus needed to go next.

Over the past five years, I’ve dedicated myself to significant inner work, growing into a version of myself I’m genuinely proud of—a journey I often share on IG. Yet lately, I feel a quiet restlessness, a nudge to reimagine how I open my heart and tell my story on this platform. To echo the words of SZA in her Harper’s BAZAAR interview with Kendrick Lamar:

“I’m bored to death with this iteration of myself.”

I show up on IG now with full confidence in the Soul value I offer. I completely understand the power of my voice. I’m not afraid to try, test, and refine. I’m no longer attached to likes, views, or comments. I’ve let go of resentment toward an algorithm designed to silence calls for justice and freedom. But this way of being, this way of showing up that once terrified me—though I’ve grown to love it—is reaching its’ “ripeness” and coming to an end.

So, what’s next?

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I don’t have all the answers yet, but what I know for sure is that I’m simply ready to invite more structure into my life. I’m determined to find the beauty in the mundanity of a daily methodical plan of action, rooted in ceremony. I’ve reached a level of completion in healing and connecting with my divine feminine. Now it’s time to pour my energy into honoring the masculine. To be disciplined and devoted.

My word of the year (and probably the next five years, because it feels so big!) is transcend. I can’t help but ask myself, who would I be to claim such a word without making the life shifts required to embody it?

Because IG has been such a transformative tool in my life, it makes the decision to leave HARD.

Scarcity whispers questions like:

• “What if I miss out on clients and money-making opportunities?”

• “What potential friendships could I be sacrificing?”

• “If IG was the catalyst for so much beauty in your life, why would you let it go?”

But something bigger is calling me to sit with the questions posed in the Many Moons Lunar planner:

• “Why are you making certain plans?”

• “What is the greater vision, the larger picture for yourself, your beloveds, and your community?”

• “While we are all interdependent and need one another more than ever, you must be able to answer these questions, alone. Can you impress, soothe, entertain, trust, accept love, and believe in yourself?”

For the past few days, the answer to the latter has been a resounding yes.

This year feels like a better time than ever to strip away distractions and go inward like never before.

Unlike 2016, this time, I’m not leaving IG to escape.

To continue highlighting Gottesdiener’s work:

“The Hermit is the Mystic archetype, and the mystic goes into the cave not only to be alone, but to enter into the right space to receive wisdom.”

In the past, fear was my comfort zone; I always knew what to expect there. But leaving with the intention to expand means stepping into the unknown. And while I have this delicious feeling in my body that the unknown will hand me a life beyond my wildest dreams—I am trembling.

Opening ourselves to a life filled with our grandest desires can be painful when a colonized mindset is still oscillating and learning to align with its true worth. But I choose to continue to stretch and receive every answered prayer rather than retreat.

The definition of “transcend” that I’ve been holding, crafted in collaboration with ChatGPT, is as follows:

To transcend is to rise beyond limits—moving past what once felt impossible, not by escaping but by expanding. It’s like standing at the edge of the vast ocean, thinking it ends there, and realizing that the horizon isn’t a boundary, but an invitation to more.

At this point in my life, I am yearning for more. And I believe it is important to note that this is a longing fueled by gratitude for the abundance I already have. Bottom line—I am ready for more because I now know I deserve it.

Every single thing I called in during 2023 came to life in 2024.

I figured out how to live alone and afford it with my own money, rebuilt LUNAS as a facilitator while balancing a full-time job, and cultivated the kind of Big Friendships I never thought was possible.

I found myself organically co-creating and sustaining a community of women who come together to support each other’s growth and dreams with such genuine care and awe that I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.

The most beautiful thing about it all is that I know this is just the beginning.

In October 2024, I made a bold commitment: no checking texts for two weeks and intermittent fasting from my phone entirely. I was only reachable by phone call or email between 1–7 p.m.

This decision gave me the clarity to realize I only wanted to share my heart on IG with a select few who were truly invested in what I had to say. I was craving a special kind of reciprocity. From this, a deeply intentional close friends list was born—curated with care, only adding people who felt moved enough to ask to be part of it.

Showing up in this new way has had my heart exploding from the conversations unfolding in close friends list land—dialogues that spiral into our shared evolution, pulling me closer to my truth and reminding me of the power in witnessing and being witnessed.

I’ve tasted the first sweet rewards of daring to craft such an intentional form of social media and the possibilities that emerge from carving out space for solitude. Each bite I take compels me to revisit the same reoccurring questions:

• “How do I go even deeper?”

• “What does it take to keep expanding?”

• “Who do I need to become in order to transcend?”

I’m incredibly curious about what my life could look like without IG for nine months.

According to the planner, the number nine correlates with rebirth, fullness, and the rare gift of finally experiencing a long-held dream or wish.

While Instagram has been a delightful and playful space for sharing my heart, I also recognize its limitations and distractions. These often prevent me from creating the sacred space needed for the other dream paths I want to explore.

To sum it all up, Gottesdiener poses powerful questions that I feel compelled to investigate:

“2025 sets the tone for the rest of the decade...How can I make a difference now that will impact the years to come? Where is my healing also healing old ancestral patterns? How can I serve the collective through my unique contributions?”

I’m shifting from brains to bones—out of my head and into my body—trusting the knowing that the answers I’m looking for exist beyond the boundaries of IG.

While lingering versions of my younger self still feel terrified, I have full faith that these nine months will be a journey of becoming all that I seek—expanding and deepening my relationship with TRANSCEND.

I look forward to documenting and sharing how this experience cultivates a new kind of love that ripples through my world, reshaping everything in its path.

May this year bring you everything you desire and more.

May you dare to dream bigger than you ever thought possible.

May you always remember that you are worthy of it all.

-Val

P.S. If my newsletters have sparked inspiration or made you feel less alone, please share it with someone you love. One of the most challenging aspects of leaving IG is the realization that I won’t be able to share my work with a larger audience. While this uncertainty is daunting, it’s also encouraging me to lean into the community I’ve lovingly nurtured and to seek support in small ways, which feels like a beautiful opportunity for growth. Seriously, thank you for being here.

P.P.S. If you have a word of the year that you're excited to embody, I’d love for you to share it with me! Respond to this email or drop it in the comments so I can cheer you on.

.・゜ ✧・゜゜・・ﾟ☆・゜゜・✧ ・゜ ✧・゜゜・・ﾟ☆ .・゜ ✧・゜゜・・ﾟ☆